I have left behind so much in the last year or so. I am trying not to look back, but looking back has always been such a part of who I am. I try to live every moment and every breath as they come and focus on what good choices I am going to make today. I have such a great supportive wife and friends who keep me focused. The ones around me now in this part of my life I am certain will be at my side for the rest of the journey. Aside from making art which has become the everyday thing I look for distractions from the day to day. I used to play guitar when I really got the blues or was feeling overjoyed but I'm not able to do that as much these days. I feel my rock and rolling self slowing and a maturing and a deeper sense of life taking over. It's not growing up. Getting older yes, but I can accept many things now for what they are. My younger self would have wanted to hang out with Paul Stanley at a Kiss concert, but now I would really rather paint with him in a studio of other artists. There is a connection with creativity that makes sense to me now. I had to learn what it was on my own. I always wondered why I made art, but I did it so long it just became part of who I am. I let go of trying to understand creativity and just did the work. Just like writing this right now I just let it happen. My wife's garden has more color than I could ever hope to paint. She gave me my art education over the years and taught me that inspiration for art is often found in the art of other artists. I collect art books often. I ask other artists what artists they like. A good art friend is one that will turn you on to an artist you did not know about. Music used to be mysterious like that too. When punk was happening it was not easy to get a hold of the records. You had friends who traded tapes from radio shows and made fanzines you mailed away for. I sent away for spike bracelets from the Pouser of Hollywood catalog and for a back issues of Flipside comic relief issue that taught you "how to draw skulls". It took weeks to get them in the mail. The Internet gives it to you immediately and corrects your spelling at the same time. I worked on computers for years and realized early on the value of hand painted paintings. It's still there for me when I make the art. It as valuable as a spike bracelet i waited for three months for by my mail box. Maybe the rock and roll will come back. Maybe I just need to get out and see some bands again. It's hard not to have the music being not as big a part of the art today. My invironments I am in these days don't have a lot of rock and roll unless I make the effort to make sure it has some playing. This tablet takes away time too. I think I will start a new painting. Later.